In Memory of Riley... The Experience & The Dream

The following experience was recorded around the 19th of July but I don't remember the exact date for sure. It is one of those truly sacred and personal experiences that you like to keep to yourself or share with just a few people when the time is right. However, in memory of Riley's birth, I felt it appropriate to share with those of you who know us and visit us here on our blog. Even though she wasn't here with us to celebrate her 1st Birthday, I still wanted to remember her. Also, if you scroll to the bottom of the page to our music play list, click on "Ordinary Miracle" and give it a listen. It's the song we have, as a family, dedicated to Riley.

This experience starts with the birth of a very special little girl. Riley was born to us on August 31, 2007. Because of a serious neural tube defect she only lived on this earth for an hour and a half. As her parents we knew her life would be short but did not know or understand the impact that it would make. There were many things that I would classify as small and great miracles. The fact that she stayed with us as long as she did was no small feat. When she was passed around the room to be held that first and last time by her parents, her sister, and her grandparents, she, with a clear and intended effort, made a little squawk. It was the only noise she ever made but when she found herself in a new pair of arms, she said hello in the only way she could. What a strong spirit. The will to communicate was equally strong as was the obvious importance of it. I know that not a single person in that room could deny the power of the spirit over the body at that time. She passed into the spirit world while in her father’s arms but I know that her spirit lingered in the hospital room with us for a while after. I recall being awake in my bed just pondering the moment when in my mind’s eye, I caught an unfocused glimpse of her in her adult spirit form, surrounded by a beautiful white glowing light. As she gradually disappeared into that light I heard her say, “Thanks Mama.” That’s all she said but that was enough for me to know that I did the right thing and that all she was required to do in this life was to come and receive her body.

My story does not end there. On December 29, 2007, one day after our 5 year wedding anniversary, Troy and I had the opportunity to attend the Mesa, AZ temple of our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In the temple, sacred ordinances are performed for both the living and in proxy for the dead. On that particular day, a friend of ours was attending the temple for the first time before her marriage there the following week. We were asked to attend and were very pleased to go and be a part of her special day. While she was doing her own temple work, a special ordinance for the living, we were there doing work in proxy for someone who had passed away and that special someone was my grandpa. Since men do proxy work for the men and women for the women, Troy was blessed with the opportunity to do the proxy work for my grandpa. In the temple we all dress in white, the men in slacks, shirts, and ties and the women in dresses. It is quite a lovely site to see as everyone looks so angelic as the lines between the rich and the poor are erased as we are all dressed the same. Some of the women may have differences in the style of there dress but in the end all are equal and worthy to be in the house of the Lord. It is important to set this stage so that you understand the relevance of it all later in the experience. It is also important to know that the men and women are seated across the aisles from each other. So I wasn’t sitting next to nor did I have the opportunity to talk to Troy until we were done with the temple session. After the session was over and as we sat in the celestial room of the temple, we shared our experiences with one another. This is what I shared with Troy… “When I first found my seat and before the session started I looked heavenward and said in my mind, “Are you ready Grandpa?” And then the session went forward. I wasn’t hoping or imagining that I would have any kind of experience other than a good feeling in my heart because I was there making sure something important was being done for someone I truly loved. But then it happened. In my mind’s eye I saw my grandpa dressed in all white, grinning ear to ear with his rosy red cheeks seemingly popping off the sides of his face with joy. Every detail was so clear about his face down to how his eyes got really squinty whenever he had a big grin on his face. I then knew that he was pleased with the work that had been done for him on that day. Then again in my mind’s eye I realized something even more special. There was a young woman with a little bit longer than shoulder length blond hair standing next to him. I could even see the variations in the color of blond in her hair. She was tall in comparison to my grandpa and had a willowy frame. She was clothed in a lovely white dress similar to those worn by the other women and myself in the temple that day. There was one detail missing however. I could not see her face. I didn’t understand this. Why would she not reveal her face to me? Troy’s account is almost identical other than the fact that he saw them just before the session had begun. I think it was Grandpa’s way of letting him know that it was okay to go ahead with the work he was about to perform in behalf of my grandpa. Our experiences were identical other than that. As we described what we saw it was absolutely amazing to us that we saw the very same thing, especially in regard to Riley who we had only seen as an infant. It was truly a blessing for us to see her and my grandpa together because it reminded us that the work of our Father in Heaven is not only done in this earthly life but that the work continues in the life after our mortal life and it is just as real as the life we are living at this very moment. As we pondered why Riley wouldn’t reveal her face to us, I was impressed with the thought that we needed to attend the temple more often and that we needed to be more diligent in our faith if we wanted to see her in her full form. This message was clearly that of our daughter Riley, who even now, cares about our spiritual growth and well being. I’d venture to say that she’s a bit of a stinker too! But that’s just a mother’s thought on the whole, “I was pregnant with you for 9 months and you are going to deny me…?” She obviously knows me and knows how to motivate me to do better, be better, and be more diligent in all things.

The next experience took place a week later when we flew back to Chicago for our niece’s Catholic baptism. The ceremony was lovely and it gave us an opportunity to be a special part of a very special event in the spiritual life of our little niece Aubrey. We also had the opportunity to visit with family and friends. Grandma is always number one on the short list of who we must go see when we are in town. Fortunately, my grandma lives very near to the cemetery where we laid Riley’s little body to rest. As my grandma and I strolled through the cemetery looking for some fresh water to wash the dirt from Riley’s grave marker, I proceeded to tell her about the work that Troy had done for Grandpa. As I described the experience we had my grandma had this look of disbelief and amazement on her face. She even went so far as to place her hand over her heart as if to contain the excitement she was feeling. I looked at her thinking something might be wrong and asked her if she was okay. She then proceeded to tell me about the dream she had the previous Saturday night, the same day we had done his temple work. She told me that my grandpa had come to her in a dream and specifically told her that I, calling me by name, had put new clothes on him that day. She said he seemed so happy and that he was dressed in a white suit. She also said that this was the first time he had ever spoken to her in a dream since he passed away from stomach cancer a few years ago. Typically, in her dreams, he would only pass through the room as if to check on her but never spoke a word. I can’t even begin to describe our joy at that moment when we both knew without a doubt that there is more to this life than we are often led to believe. She simply said to me, “It’s all true isn’t it?” I then said, “Yes, Grandma it really is.” Another miracle in this was the fact that my grandpa was somewhat opposed to me joining the church, especially with our long standing Italian Catholic background and traditions. This just shows that even the most stubborn of spirits can be touched if they will but open their hearts to what they see and hear. I’m sure Riley had quite a bit to do with my grandpa’s change of heart.

After all that has been said and done, I feel so very privileged to have had the opportunity to serve Riley in fulfilling her mission on this earth. I also feel honored that our Father in Heaven trusted Troy and I with such a valiant spirit and such a difficult task. I wish I could go back to the doctor who suggested that I terminate my pregnancy and tell him of all the wonderful experiences we’ve had with her and all of the joy and hope that she has brought into our lives, the lives of our family members, and our friends. There are other experiences and other stories to tell about Riley but they are not mine to tell. In the end, she has and continues to touch many lives for good.